Contractions...

I've had these horrible twisting like pains 3 x's so far.
They are so painful I have to sit completely still when I get them to try and focus on relaxing myself.

I think they are contractions bc it feels as though things tighten up a lot down there. Its so early for stuff like this, I would think.

I have read that braxton-hicks contractions happen early on in pregnancy but ur not supposed to really feel them or have them be painful. I wonder if I am having those but am just sensitive and feel them. Bleeding is not really happening much right now either.

I am also getting the chills a lot. I don't have a fever or feel ill. I get goosebumps and try to keep myself warm but its hard lol. I wonder if cold flashes are normal lol.

I have to say...

If I have morning sickness then it keeps coming out the wrong end.

I feel nauseaous to no end and I have to keep running to the bathroom only to be met with a serious case of the runs. Now, I know you all love to read about my bowel movements, so that's why I am writing this entry.

Its a horrible feeling and I'm not prepared for it. For example... I felt extra queezy this morning so I designated a big blue plastic bowl to be my puke bowl. I thought it would be a good idea to have in case I happened to barf while driving in to work. Alas, it just sat in my car...looking all lonely and blue.  Ha.

What to do abt an ass that randomly spews?! Hell if I know. Spew...that's a nasty word. It really makes u sense the, well, you know.

So on my way home tonight. I started to get the good ole ready to barf feeling only my sphincter started spazzing ... fock there was no place to run into and use a restroom so I had to make it home. Trying my best to use the kegel method on my a-hole. It was working.
I made it home. Thought abt checking the mail then the spasming began again. I never ran up 2 flights of steps, stripped from my waste down and grabbed a book so fast.

Let me just say, when all was said and done, I did not feel the least bit satisfied. My hems were all irritated and my stomach seemed to go into convulsions. I am so out of it right now I can barely walk. I'm laying in bed, typing this entry on my phone, while holding onto my body pillow for dear life. Please God, let my ass have a rest.

I called the doc.

And he told me that in the patients he sees 50% have light bleeding like I have been having early on in their pregnancy. That was comforting to hear directly from the doc. Then he said that the only real way to make sure everything is ok is to see on a ultrasound...the heartbeat.
He says its prob still too early for me, according to my charts, to see a heartbeat. So it doesn't really help one way or another if I go in today. He says I am okay enough to wait until the 5th. Then we will see. If the bleeding gets really heavy or the pain is severe. Then to call back. Same as always.

Ok. I can wait. I feel a little better and I love the fact that the obs office has such a quick response time.

Weird.

What's weird to me is knowing that my 'new OB' visit is going to be with the doctor that delivered Mike's brother and sister.
Well, at least I know he has years of experience :-)

Ouch!

here's a little bit of lovelyTMI for you...

Shitting, sucks. Actually, I think the task of getting to the point to where you can actually take a good shit and make it count, is the part that sucks. My bowel movements have been so unpredictable since all this pregnancy joyfulness...

I'm constipated to all hell. I have hemorrhoids now. (Holy Ouch!) and the gas pains and bloating... well, nuff said.

Today, for the first time in days, I've had NO SIGN of bleeding or spotting. I'm surprised. However, I have the constant feeling of having to Poo, only to go to the bathroom and having nothing to show for it. (eww, I know)

Just about an hour ago, I had some pains, tried to relieve myself with no success. Then I started getting severe cramping like pains, like someone was twisting my ovaries and uterus so bad... and my lower back hurt so bad. To me, I still have a feeling of dread. A feeling of a possible miscarriage. I know it can get annoying to hear from me, but alas, it's how I feel. The pain wasn't unbearable, but it was up there, Like an 8 out of 10. I was crying, I called for Mike. He came by my side while I was laying in bed curled into the fetal position rocking myself. He rubbed my lower back and eventually the pain went away.

I'm glad it's gone.

I asked him. What if we go for our ultrasound on the 5th and they can't find a heartbeat. He said he's not thinking like that. He's only thinking about the positive and is not going to think negative right now. I think that's great of him. I wish I could be the same. I think the difference is that I am feeling everything that is going on, which leads me to 'feel' something is wrong. Do I KNOW for a fact something is wrong, no...

I am thinking about calling my OBs office tomorrow to see if they say anything or if maybe I could at least get another beta test done to make sure I'm on the right track right now.

Ugh...

Merry Christmas!!!

I can't believe today is Christmas. It's weird. Maybe it's because I know I have to go back to work tomorrow. 1 day off is not enough to get you in the spirit of the holidays. That's for sure.

So, lately, I've been having some more painful cramps...still the period like ones all around down there. They get better sometimes. I had some bleeding 2 days ago, that fully went away yesterday morning. It was brown, lovely -- I guess that's the old stuff comin' out. 

At least it stopped.

I wore a pad, to see how much was coming out, but nothing showed up on it. It only showed when I wiped. I guess that's a good thing. I keep reading online and through the message boards that I belong too, that bleeding like this is common. Some people go on to bleed throughout their entire pregnancy and end up with a perfectly healthy baby.

My worries were pretty much put to rest with the reiteration of all that.

Yesterday I spent Christmas Eve at my Dad & Stepmom's house. My aunt and uncle were there and they know the news, however, my stepmom's friends were there and didn't know the news. My aunt and uncle thought it was common knowledge and had conversations with me about the baby etc...in front of them, but they never picked up. Later on during the night my stepmom's friends daughter came up to me and said when she was playing with my phone she saw a picture of a pregnancy test on it and asked if I was pregnant. I told her yes...but it's early. So, since she knew, I broke the news to my stepmom's friends and they were excited but felt a little excluded saying why were they the last to know. 

I proceeded to tell them that they aren't the last to know. We only told a few people b/c I was having some complications, and I'm really early. I'm only 5weeks-ish. 

Ugh, if you knew where these people were from, you'd know they think they are the elite and must-know everything. 

It wasn't my intention to offend anyone and besides, it's my friggen business anyway... They just happen to be the type of people who take things a little too personally, like how if they don't receive a thank you card within a few days of giving a gift, they go all crazy and get rude about it.

I bet you know the type...

Anyway, that's all over now...and on to spending Christmas Day with Mike's family. It should be a very calm relaxing day. 

New Year's Day I spend Christmas with my Mom and her boyfriend ... 3 Christmases a year, it's a lot, but it's nice to have the holiday's last a little longer sometimes... :-) and at least we manage to see all parts of our family every year.

Oh yeah, on a side note -- I am starting to get woozy, I haven't been able to kick the feeling today, and I'm hoping I don't wind up puking... however, i feel like I will at any minute. Yikers.

More bleeding??

So today I had more red bleeding. I noticed that my cramps got worse after a few minutes of me squatting down while looking at some ornaments on a bottom shelf at a shopping center. Then. 15 minutes later I hit the bathroom and I have bleeding.

Last time I bled I think it was related to me shovelling a bit of snow off the driveway.

What the hell.

One more thing.

We don't have to do anymore beta tests. We will be going back to the OB for a first pregnancy visit and heartbeat ultrasound on January 5th.

Yesterdays results.

So I had some red period like bleeding yesterday that I discovered when I went to the bathroom yesterday while out to lunch with my sister. (Run on sentence?)

I called my OBs office and they told me to come in and have an ultrasound done bc they can't tell me what's wrong until they see me.

I feared the worst. A miscarriage in the making.

I drove as calmly as I could on my 45 minute commute to the docs office. I had bouts of hysteria crying so hard I could barely see. I started to calm myself down and tell myself that everything is okay. Nothing is wrong. Bleeding is normal. Then I imagined all the positive results the doctors would give me. It worked.

When I got to the docs office they sent me directly to the ultrasound tech. It was a very quiet procedure and I tried to break the ice. I asked if it was too early to see anything and the tech said. "Well I see a yolk sac"... I was ecstatic and tried to contain myself. There was nothing there 5 days ago so that was awesome!

Tech told me I am measuring 4wk 4days then 5 minutes later she said 4wk 5days so I don't know the exact. My period, however, was 5wks 3days ago. She said measuring off by 7 days is ok so long as progression isn't slow. And since there was nothing there 5 days ago there was no concern. She said it could be due to non-consitent periods. Mine are pretty consistent but oh well.

She left the room and I heard her and my OB talking abt me. It was hard for me to hear them but I heard something about the shape of something in me. Ugh. Eavesdropping never pays off.

When I went to see my OB she checked me for bleeding. She said she didn't see any sign and the amt I had is normal. She said once I start soaking 1 pad every 1 hour. Then I should be concerned. She said when you miscarry its the heaviest clottiest bleeding id ever had. Yikers.

She then told me that the sac was implanted very high up in my uterus and its not low or anything to indicate I might miscarry.

She said everythings taken a complete left turn and I've come out of all this with a completely healthy pregnancy. I'm also 100% in the clear of an ectopic pregnancy. Yay!

Doc said I was the earliest recorded pregnancy their office has ever had since I was barely 2weeks when they caught mine. I was flattered

Then ... she wished me a 'Merry Christmas'
It felt so great to hear that. Its so much more satisfying than hearing happy holidays!

Why I blog a lot.

Its been so easy for me to update my blog on a whim. I have mostly been blogging via my cell phone (T-Mobile G1). It's private. No one can see what I'm typing, I can do it anywhere... in the car, in the doctors office, in the bathroom. LOL

I send an email to my blogger posting address and it instantly adds the content to my blog. The only thing I can't do is add photos to my entry. Or at least I haven't figured out how to do that yet.

All-in-all... its good shit.

Sh!t

I'm bleeding. On my way into gyno office now for ultrasound. :-(

Got my betas.

Saturdays betas came back at over 2100. Yay. They didn't give me the exact but that's ok. They want me to go into the office tomorrow to get an ultrasound. If everything on the ultrasound looks good then I won't need more bloodwork. Yay!

My boss is a little concerned with me being late to work lately. I told him my situation and have to give him some sort of schedule to my future absences so he can vouch for me being out without saying the wrong thing.

I'm nervous. I don't want to lose my job. If I do. I'm screwed and won't have any insurance. Waaaah!

We will see what happens. Its just not the best time of year to be out. Its the end of the year and end of the quarter. I make up any missed time and even work weekends so I'm not sure what the deal is.

TMI...just a head's up...

Went to get more blood taken yesterday, since it was a Saturday and they don't actually run the tests on weekends, I won't find out until Monday. Makes me think I should've gotten my blood taken on Monday instead? Doc insisted on Saturday, I don't know why.

It's been a few weeks since we BD'd - I guess in a way it's like, what's the point since we already succeeded ... LOL. But, we're human, and we have needs.

When I went to the hospital that one night, they told me to abstain until I got my period - that was when they were for sure I wasn't pregnant, and wanted to make sure nothing else happened. What would BDing do if I wasn't pregnant etc... or if it was just a cyst?

So, I researched online and on some pregnancy message boards about BDing while pregnant in the first trimester. I found that it should be completely safe to do so, so long as the pregnany is going well. I have no bleeding like some people do so the concern, I thought, wasn't really there.

So - we BD'd making sure not to be to jarring as to cause a miscarriage, b/c in my head, I still thought there was a possibility.

Afterwards, I had some barely noticeable, but still noticeable spotting. I was worried. I had a nightmare later that night that I started to miscarry. It was horrible. All I kept thinking was, if we didn't do it, we'd be fine. Why'd we do it?!

I woke up and found no spotting. So I think that I may be a little sensitive right now, and any sort of internal trauma is going to cause me to spot... Even my last intrauterine ultrasound made me start spotting.

So for now, until I'm more secure in how my pregnancy is going, we're going to abstain...

Lucky Mike!

Tired...

I have been really tired lately, like can't keep my eyes open past 9pm tired. Somehow I manage to keep myself away past 9 and get a second-wind in which I am super hyper and can't calm down.

I am tired, but my eyes won't close now...

I have an apt at 8am tomorrow morning for more Beta testing...

Mike is going with me b/c right after my tests we are heading to the mall to finish up last minute Christmas shopping. They do open early this time of year, right?

Then, we have to go home, pick up our dog and drop him off for dog-sitting at my mom's house so Mike and I can go to dinner at Medieval Times.

Originally some friends and kids of theirs were supposed to be going, but they have recently declined. Mike and I are actually really happy about that (shhhh.) b/c we are totally looking forward to a 'night-out' on our own. 

Psyched as always..

I will post my new betas tomorrow after I get my results. 

Another beta update.

Since it seems I will be getting blood taken every other day. I will prob just wind up putting a chart on the right side of this page and update there.

Got blood drawn today for betas and got the results back already.

We're at 967 now!

Doc was kinda shocked she said. She said I should really be going up 2/3rds every 48 hours but I more than doubled. She was very congratulatory.

I'm still little shocked I guess.

Baby #1 - Nickname

Mike and I have decided that we'd like to name our unborn 'embryo', (at this stage). We'd like to call it something other than 'IT'. 

And so, we name 'it'... Po (sounds like Edgar Allan...)

Last night we laughed in hysterics as we tried to come up with some kind of nickname that would work for both of us. Something androgenous like Pat or Sam.

We had a fish, it was a Beta fish. My niece misheard me and said, "It's name is Potayta?"  To which, I replied.."Yes, the fishes name is Potato". 

on a side note : Potato has since died. He/she lived a long 7 days in our company, but is ever in our hearts.

We also LOVE potato bread/rolls, regardless of it's fattening qualities ... and whenever we refer to them we call them Po Rolls. "Hey Mike, don't forget to pick up some Po Rolls on your way home from work!"

So, Po it is. Just note if you are reading my entries, I will refer to our unborn as Po, now until we learn the sex and pick a name that'll stick.

Beta update

Got the call from my OBs office today abt my beta results.

12/9 : 6
12/16 : 413 !!

I'm really starting to get psyched now.

If it could get any more official ---

it has.

Went to my OB/GYN today. Had a full on exam again. No tenderness in the ovaries.

Had an internal ultrasound - the fluid is barely there anymore. YAY!! It's almost all gone!! Which means it was a cyst that burst and left fluid that just took awhile to absorb.

Had a urinalysis - hemoglobin is good 12.5, and a pregnancy test came back immediately positive. YAY. 

The weird thing was that all the nurses I met with today including my OB had not believed I was pregnant, but when I told them I tested myself yesterday with the digital, they did the test just to be sure. They weren't even going to do one?! Their office doesn't consider a Beta of 5 - 6 a pregnancy. 

I am still having some cramps down below - she thinks that it might be GI related or pregnancy related, but b/c when she did the physical test she found no tenderness, she's not exactly sure.

The ultrasound didn't pick up anything visually to determine a pregnancy b/c I'm too early. There can still be a chance of an ectopic pregnancy, not saying that's the route I'm going down, but there's always a chance until they see where the sac has implanted itself.

So, to rule out an ectopic even more -- I will be getting blood taken every other day until my levels reach 5000. I gave today, I hope they doubled since last week was only 6!! And I go back on Thurs & Sat...then maybe one more on Monday -- at that point, if all is well -- We will do an ultrasound around Christmas and see a baby & heartbeat. 

I'm ecstatic and so is Mike... it's very hard to contain ourselves.

New Year's Resolutions...

Taking after a friend -- I'm going to start thinking of my New Year's Resolutions and make a list...

To start, I've realized through chat and other types of communications and just by looking at myself as if I were an outsider...that I need to 'calm down'. I do. I know it.

I used to see a psychologist -- making the decision to go to one was hard, but when I finally did, I realized it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I've since stopped going -- a few months prior to our wedding. (Ha...that was a mistake) I just didn't have the 'time' or 'energy' to see my psychologist, so ... i cut it out. I have still not yet recovered from all the stress and anxiety that is planning, and paying for a wedding... (we are STILL paying it off).

It doesn't help that Mike is pushing how we 'need' to put the house on the market by the end of the year. At this point, I'm not ready to move stuff or 'get down' and dirty cleaning things. I don't want to do anything but sleep most times b/c I'm just sooo tired. Hormones are wackadoo. 

So I'm stressing... I need to just relax. I will try my best to stick to the advice of others and try to stay calm to keep a more healthy pregnancy. 

All I have to do is find a way to deal with the stress that is my life right now. I know it could be worse, but I can't just brush everything off. I need to take things one step at a time, reprioritize things and try my best to convince/sway Mike to have the same idea's in prioritization. LOL

My Last Test before Tuesday...

I had bought 5 tests, for reassurance, last week. I took one everyday... I don't know what I'm reassuring myself of -- but it's fun to see a line, etc...

Here is my 5th and final test - it's a digital one --

Last night I had the worst heartburn or gas in my chest or something. I thought I was going to die.

I've experienced GERD (Reflux) before, and that's not fun, it's completely debilitating for the few seconds/minutes it takes for your food/drink to make it's way down then up then down then up then down your esophogus...

Last night, (or should I say this morning) , I was awoken by horrible pains in my chest at around 1:30am. I sat up thinking it was just heartburn -- and thought that sitting up straight would help relieve it a little.

It didn't, and the pain got worse. I started freaking out and getting anxious and my heart started racing, making the pain so much worse...it seemed. I took a Maalox tablet, and that did nada. So, I took another -- the pain was going away -- only slightly though. I had Mike wakeup and go online and research if the pain I was having was normal and maybe just a symptom of pregnancy -- learn as you go. Meanwhile, I called my mom to ask her about the pain - (former nurse, and former pregnant woman LOL). She said she used to get the pains not as bad though, and to just relax. She calmed me down on the phone and I started to feel better. Slowly but surely the pain started to subside. I wound up using a backrest pillow to sleep on so I was sitting straight up. It was the most uncomfortable thing for my head, but my chest didn't hurt anymore.

Maybe it was just gas? -- Gas is sooo painful sometimes. I think I need to start changing my eating habits.

P.S.

My boobs are massive. Holy crap.

another entry...

I've been blogging so much on this blog that I've totally neglected my other more public one.

I am bad.

Anyway. Spotting stopped after this morning - whatever. I know not of what to think of it.

I went to Kohls today. My pants haven't been fitting me. Whenever I try to sit for any amount of time it makes my cramps worse, so I have to unbutton them. Because of this I've been wearing baggy shirts lately.

I have not gained any weight but I think my midsection has gotten bigger...at least the lower portion. It seems to be mostly gas, b/c I've been SUPER gassy since I ovulated...and I guess it's also b/c of the pregnancy. It's not fun, and I still manage to never 'break wind' in front of Mike. LOL

I tried on some jeans a size or two bigger but they were horrible. They fit too big all over. I just need it bigger in one spot. The belly. So, I went to the extremely limited maternity section that they have and tried on some maternity jeans. They have this cotton belly part that covers the entire stomach. They are like stretch pants, the way you pull them on. No button. I have to admit, they were the most comfortable things I ever put on... at least the most comfortable thing close to jeans. I contemplated buying them but then mentally -- i just couldn't. I know I'm pregnant (i say it a lot, I just try to keep convincing myself) ... but until Tuesday/Wednesday's results, I don't think I could justify the splurge. However, I did manage to get 2 maternity shirts. One looks very maternity-ish but I like it, it's something I can see myself wearing on Christmas if the news is good. And I bought a grey hooded sweater -- it's definitely not maternity-ish. I usually wear a L and the sweater is a L but it's sorta tight on me. What the hell size would I be if I got pregnant. I can only imagine.


Anyway, I also bought myself a ring, to try and keep my spirits up.

On the outside of the ring the following is inscribed:
My Pride, My Joy, My Strength, My Courage, My Love

and on the inside it says:
My Family

I love it... it says it's sterling silver, but the sterling silver rings I've gotten from Kohls always turn my finger green. I really hope this one doesn't.

They are having a 'fab' sale on jewelry and this ring was normally $40 and I think I got it for $15, not too shabby. Plus I had $20 Kohl's Cash and a 15% off coupon. w00t -- so I splurged a little more and got some flannel sheets with snowmen on them.

I love snowmen.

I'm happier today.

Not feeling really depressed like I was yesterday. Yesterday was doom and gloom and today I'm just weird.

My brain is mush. I cry at everything. (I thought that was supposed to happen later)... I cry at funny stuff, scary stuff, sad etc...

I have major heartburn.

Cramps have lessened.

I am ranting...

ooooh yeah, and I'm breaking out like a friggen teenager and can't take any acne meds... *sigh* -- there are worse things, i know.

argh...

Woke up every 2 hours last night. Almost exactly every 2.

It was bizarre. I took my temp each time, and it was around 97.8 each time, which is high for me. My temp during my period is usually in the low-mid 66's.

My cramping was worse this morning, like heavy period cramps -- i've had the same ones before during that time of the month, but them getting worse freaks me out. I just don't know what to think anymore.

I took another HPT and the line was a bit darker again ... see below

Around 8:30 am, I went to the bathroom and noticed spotting when I wiped. :-(

waaaaah.

It's not heavy, it's lightish pink -- I'm hoping it doesn't get heavier today. Am I not supposed to use tampons if it does get heavy? I don't know how that works.

I am going with my younger sis to brunch at a potential reception place for her wedding. Should be nice. I hope I can put everything aside to just enjoy the day with her.

I have this horrible feeling...

That the pregnancy isn't going well. Cramps are getting worse. They are not fun. They aren't specific to any side anymore...just all over. Now I know since I have Fibromyalgia that everything feels like 100x's worse than it would for someone without FM, so maybe I can attribute the pains to that. 

I haven't had anymore spotting... but still, I just have this feeling, that something's not right.

I've been taking HPTs daily to see if the line is getting darker, and it is, ever so slightly though. I feel that when I go in my beta's will be too low and I will have to m/c.

I'm sad.  

I didn't think I'd be this attached this early on especially with the current situation...but I am attached.

All I want to do is cry. I don't think Mike would understand why though. I know he's not going through this physically... but emotionally -- i don't think he's ready to even be excited until he knows the definites on Tues/Wed after my blood tests. I can't help but be partly excited...and partly depressed, b/c I don't know what to think.

I'm an emotional wreck and I've been keeping it bottled up for all this time. 

I'm going to go to bed now and just cry it out... Hopefully I'm feeling better tomorrow...

Spotting...

Tonight I had some spotting. Yikes. 

It could mean:

- I'm getting my period :-( waaah

- I'm starting to miscarry

- My cyst gave me some internal bleeding that will go away

- Ectopic Pregnancy bleeding??

- Nothing

If the bleeding is like a regular to heavy period, I will wait until Tuesday, if it becomes severe, I will have to go to the emergency room again.

POOP!!!

---------

I can't stop checking... I have been peeing a lot lately, like at least 2-3x's an hour for the past week or so... I can hold it if I have to, but each time I go to the bathroom there's more that comes out. Like, it's not just a feeling, but I actually have stop to get rid of. The weird thing of it all, is that I don't know where it's coming from. I'm not drinking all that much fluid to have to pee so much. Anyway, I've  peed a couple times since the spotting and I haven't noticed any other traces... Ugh. What the hell.

Feelin iffy

Today I'm feelin a little off. Cramps r more significant. I feel dizzyish, a bit nausious (sp?) , really friggen tired , and stupid. I'm out of it. I can't focus on work. I think I have a fever. Or I'm getting hot flashes. I took 2 tylenol extra strength just in case.

I think I'm going to head home around 12 and rest.

Eck.

I see two lines...

Do you??? Now I've taken 3 pee sticks within the past 3 days. 2 with faint positives, and 1 that came out negative *at hospital*. I've had 2 blood tests with positive results for an early pregnancy.

I decided to take a pee stick for myself at home (without the early morning pee) and this is what I got. I consider it a positive... I will take another in 2 more days and hope for a darker line!

Click pics for a closer view...

The diagnosis...

OB's blood test results came back the hcg levels are at 6+ , still very low, so if pregnant, which she thinks I def am -- then it's very very early in the pregnancy, like less than 2 weeks they are saying now. Slightly over 1 week.

I go back in on Tuesday night -- then get blood tested again.

I'm not getting psyched. It's too early -- way too early. I think end of December,  beginning of Jan, will have some more definitive results and possibly a heartbeat ultrasound ...

Till tuesday - I hope to not have any more drama.

In the meantime -- Mike is sick as a dog, and my dog seems to have a stomach virus puking everywhere! 

At least I'm healthy! haha

the drama...

Went in to the hospital at 1:30 am. Having shoulder pains that left me questioning if what I was feeling might be a sign of bad things to come. My cramps -- the same. Bearable.

I just got home, and after 8 hours of poking & prodding, in every sense of the words... here's what happened.

Triage nurse checked all my vitals, took a urine sample, did a pregnancy test strip - result = NEGATIVE.

Got put in the Emergency Room --well, it's not really a room, it's more like a hallway. Poor Mike was so tired and he is sick, he had to spend most of the hours in a chair. We tried to share the hospital bed, but they are narrower than a twin mattress!

Had some blood taken, FROM MY HAND!!! I hate that shit. They didn't even ATTEMPT to take blood from my arm, like normal non-sadistic phlebotamists do. It hurt like a Motha-F'er. Blood results came back with awesome blood levels (no internal bleeding) and pregnancy test = POSITIVE, however my level was 5.6 which is really low. Meaning it's SUPER early in the pregnancy. 0 : Not pregnant, 1-5 : 1-2 weeks pregnant. Or something like that. A doc from my OB's office came in to examine me. Says he doesn't like to call a pregnancy until it's much higher... I don't blame him. I am only 12 dpo.

Got an ultrasound done again, an intra-uterine and an outter abdominal one. The results were the same as the one I got from the OB's office. Excess fluid behind Uterus causing the cramping. I heard the radiologist talk to the attending Dr and he said that he said there were possible signs of a Corpus Luteum, which is damn fine by me. I can deal with cysts. However, I don't recall feeling it burst... 

Overall, my Doc from the OB's office says there is a possibility I'm not pregnant, a possibility that I am, and a possibility that it's ectopic. Nothing definitive. What else is new.

He says he doesn't feel it's ectopic, b/c I would only be 1-2 weeks pregnant and the 'child' , so to speak, would be so miniscule that I wouldn't feel it burst within the tubes, etc... 

So, he let me go -- only AFTER the attending nurse decided to plug me with an IV. In the hand first...only to find the vein collapsed b/c that's where they took blood, but he made sure he poked me a good 8 times and bent the tube in my hand before he decided to go to my arm to insert the IV. That was one of the most horrific pains. I hate that dude! I didn't even need the IV. The docs at the hospital were all pretty 'pro ectopic pregnancy' for my results, but the OB's doc doesn't see any signs leading him to start operating on me.

If my symptoms stay the same for the next few days, I go back in to the OB on Mon/Tues, else, i might get my period, else, I might get severe heavy bleeding, else -- whatever... Who knows.

We will see. 

What the ?!?!?!

Holy shit. What a friggen emotional whirlwind I've gone through the past 2.5 hours.

7pm - OB/GYN Appt

I tell the doc my issues. Cramps, lighting crotch going on, slightly dizzy at times, ovary hurts when I touch it.

Doc goes in and feels around, it's uncomfy but bearable. She doesn't find anything significant.

Doc sets me up for an 'intra' uterine ultrasound. Not the most fun I've ever had. I've been through these before when I had ovarian cysts rupture. Now that's an unbearable pain.

Did a urine test. - Everything is NEGATIVE, I'm healthy as a whistle. Pregnancy test? == Negativo!! Hells, I just did one yesterday on my own, and I could've told them that.

Got my finger pricked for some blood.

The ultrasound shows an abnormal amount of fluid behind my uterus, like, a lot. It's common to have 'some' when an ovarian cysts ruptures. But she says this is A LOT. She says it's most likely just the fluid from a big cyst still sitting around and it should get absorbed, and in a week or so, I should feel no pain. If I do, I just come back in for another checkup.

Perfect, I can live with that.

She says the other reason I could have fluid : Ectopic Pregnancy : I would have a POSITIVE pregnancy test, which I don't, and my hemoglobin levels would be around 6 signifying I have internal bleeding. But my hemoglobin levels are at 14 which is perfect. 

I leave the office -- relieved that it's just "nothing"

I'm in my car, driving away... I call Mike (yes, that's Mr.Moo) and I start telling him the results, then... I get THE CALL.

It's my OB.

OB: "Hey, I think I see a faint line on your pregnancy test and I think you may be pregnant..."

Me: "Um okay??" (thinking, HOLY FUCK!!!)

OB: "Can you turn around and come back so we can take some more blood?"

Me: "Um okay??" (thinking, How the hell am I going to drive back to the office, I'm shaking."

If I'm pregnant - does it means it's an ectopic pregnancy? Aren't I supposed to be in severe pain? Do I have to go to the hospital?? What the hell is wrong with me?!?!?!

I get back to the office and try to walk in as calmly as possible. I'm the only patient there. They are almost totally closed and locked up. I feel weird.

In a way, I'm kinda excited at the fact that I've charted pretty decently for the first time ever and got myself pregnant...but the whole knowing how potentially bad and life threatening the situation is I am flabbergasted.

They took a good amount of blood. Sending it to the labs tonight. All the nurses were talking about 'it's so early if she's pregnant'... what the HELL does that mean?! They continue "but it's only 4 weeks, how could she be?" --- dude, I have no clue what they are meaning to say...but I can eavesdrop like Holy Hell so they should really get a room!

They are taking my blood to do a pregnancy test. This will tell for SURE if I'm pregnant. I will know by 12pm, Tomorrow.

Here are the scenarios:

1 - I have an ovarian cyst that ruptured. A big one. The Pregnancy test -- was a fluke. I'm not pregnant. Good to go.

2 - I have an ovarian cyst that ruptured. A big one. The Pregnancy test -- was not a fluke. I'm pregnant. Good to go.

3 - I have no ovarian cyst that ruptured. I am having an ectopic pregnancy. I have to go to the hospital and have it 'taken care of' -- I'm not really sure of the procedure, but I hear if it's not done. I could die.

So for now, I wait. I was told to monitor my symptoms closely. If the pain gets a lot worse. Go to the hospital. If it shoots to my shoulder. Go to the hospital... get some surgery done.

If no pain, wait until 12pm tomorrow. Find out I'm pregnant or not. If I am, I got back in on Thursday to get my hormones checked. If they are rising since today's blood test, then most likely am having a normal pregnancy. If they aren't rising, then I need to go to the hospital... get some surgery done.

Fuck -- I'm a mess. :-(

Going to the doc today.

Ok. I give up. Today I was supposed to get my riod but there is no sign. I called my OB and scheduled a 7pm appt to figure out what all the ovary cramping is about.

So after work I have to rush home. It should take approx 1 hr to get there. Shave my sassquatch like legs and head back out the the doc just in time. I hate being late for appts. I feel the anxiety already.

where we at?

Ah well, not much has happened lately -- been having the cramping non-stop for the past 11 days. It seems like they aren't going away, but they are still bearable. Been sick for about a week with a head cold turn flu-like. Still trying to kick it. Backaches galore and major tiredness ... both of which I attribute to my illness.

I haven't gone to the doctor b/c I don't like taking prescriptions. I also don't like being misdiagnosed, which has seemed to happen to me much to frequently. My out-of-the-box thinking doctor has left the practice and decided to start her own up -- about an hour south of where I live. That's not really a big deal since she was originally located an hour north of me. I would always go out of my way to see her when something was wrong. She has never let me down. Only problem now is, her new practice hasn't opened and I have no way of getting in touch with her. I'm scared to find a new doctor at this point, but know it has to be done. ECK.

I haven't called my OB about the cramps yet b/c I'm waiting for my 'riod to show up first. That should be sometime this week. One of the 'charts' I'm using says 12/9 another says 12/11 and I'm saying 12/13. Ugh.

My temp is still up but not super high. 

I did the whole POAS (pee on a stick) maneuver 2x's. One at 9dpo and one today. Result = Negativo. I keep testing I think it's b/c of the cramps I've been having. Maybe I really do have an issue with my equipment. I'm too scared to get it checked out. 

Mr.Moo and I are really striving for a pregnancy between Dec-March. 

Right now it seems 1st Cycle - no luck.

I've got boogies

Yum.

Today is going to be hard.

I am still tired. My eyes are heavy. I'm feeling very bloated and none of my pants fit. I'm still the same weight and the three lbs I thought I gained a few days ago have disappeared from the scale.

Supposed to go to an indian buffet for lunch. I think I might bust a button open on my jeans to digest lol.

After work I'm going to see a movie. I want to stay awake for it.  We will see. Might need MrMoo to pick me up and drive me home again. Poor guy.

I really can't focus at work, its a good thing the mgrs are in training for the next 3 days.

screw it...

I'm not charting my CM anymore except on days that I know it's Peak -- ugh. I can't tell what is going on down there, and I think I need more options to select from on the software I am using to chart. So for now assuming I O'd on 11/27 I am 5dpo -- I still have cramping - d'oh -- and my temp shot up -- Hmmmfffff -- I have no idea what my chart is telling me and if it's even accurate . I am getting frustrated --

My Chart:

tired as hell

is it  just me? 

I think i'm thinking way toooo into this whole getting pregnant thing. I don't want to get my hopes up this month...

Anyway -- went to dentist today. Got a filling (argh) -- lots of pain. Took 2000mg Tylenol extra Strength Rapid Release, all the pain went away but it didn't take away any of my cramping pain. Weird. But it's bearable anyway.

Was very tired at work, went to the ladies room just to get some time to sit and try and doze off for a few minutes. I know it sounds weird, but it's better than someone walking by and seeing you sleeping on your desk. LOL.

Mr.Moo picked me up from work today b/c I was too tired to drive. 

Came home and napped. 

I have heart burn and my boobs itch -- what's up with that - I really think it's too early for me to have any PG signs since I don't really know when I O'd anyway. And if it was on the 14th, I don't think we BD'd enough to be successful on conceiving. I think I'm just really in tune with everything my body is feeling... Yeah, that's it.

Well, I am going to bed now, super tired. Peace out.

Cramps

They aren't going away. I really feel as if I have or will be getting my 'riod any minute. I run to the bathroom tampon in hand. But there's nothing.

The cramps have been getting stronger but not unbearable. Its exactly like 'riod cramps so I don't get it.

Waaaaaah.