Spotting...

Tonight I had some spotting. Yikes. 

It could mean:

- I'm getting my period :-( waaah

- I'm starting to miscarry

- My cyst gave me some internal bleeding that will go away

- Ectopic Pregnancy bleeding??

- Nothing

If the bleeding is like a regular to heavy period, I will wait until Tuesday, if it becomes severe, I will have to go to the emergency room again.

POOP!!!

---------

I can't stop checking... I have been peeing a lot lately, like at least 2-3x's an hour for the past week or so... I can hold it if I have to, but each time I go to the bathroom there's more that comes out. Like, it's not just a feeling, but I actually have stop to get rid of. The weird thing of it all, is that I don't know where it's coming from. I'm not drinking all that much fluid to have to pee so much. Anyway, I've  peed a couple times since the spotting and I haven't noticed any other traces... Ugh. What the hell.

I see two lines...

Do you??? Now I've taken 3 pee sticks within the past 3 days. 2 with faint positives, and 1 that came out negative *at hospital*. I've had 2 blood tests with positive results for an early pregnancy.

I decided to take a pee stick for myself at home (without the early morning pee) and this is what I got. I consider it a positive... I will take another in 2 more days and hope for a darker line!

Click pics for a closer view...

the drama...

Went in to the hospital at 1:30 am. Having shoulder pains that left me questioning if what I was feeling might be a sign of bad things to come. My cramps -- the same. Bearable.

I just got home, and after 8 hours of poking & prodding, in every sense of the words... here's what happened.

Triage nurse checked all my vitals, took a urine sample, did a pregnancy test strip - result = NEGATIVE.

Got put in the Emergency Room --well, it's not really a room, it's more like a hallway. Poor Mike was so tired and he is sick, he had to spend most of the hours in a chair. We tried to share the hospital bed, but they are narrower than a twin mattress!

Had some blood taken, FROM MY HAND!!! I hate that shit. They didn't even ATTEMPT to take blood from my arm, like normal non-sadistic phlebotamists do. It hurt like a Motha-F'er. Blood results came back with awesome blood levels (no internal bleeding) and pregnancy test = POSITIVE, however my level was 5.6 which is really low. Meaning it's SUPER early in the pregnancy. 0 : Not pregnant, 1-5 : 1-2 weeks pregnant. Or something like that. A doc from my OB's office came in to examine me. Says he doesn't like to call a pregnancy until it's much higher... I don't blame him. I am only 12 dpo.

Got an ultrasound done again, an intra-uterine and an outter abdominal one. The results were the same as the one I got from the OB's office. Excess fluid behind Uterus causing the cramping. I heard the radiologist talk to the attending Dr and he said that he said there were possible signs of a Corpus Luteum, which is damn fine by me. I can deal with cysts. However, I don't recall feeling it burst... 

Overall, my Doc from the OB's office says there is a possibility I'm not pregnant, a possibility that I am, and a possibility that it's ectopic. Nothing definitive. What else is new.

He says he doesn't feel it's ectopic, b/c I would only be 1-2 weeks pregnant and the 'child' , so to speak, would be so miniscule that I wouldn't feel it burst within the tubes, etc... 

So, he let me go -- only AFTER the attending nurse decided to plug me with an IV. In the hand first...only to find the vein collapsed b/c that's where they took blood, but he made sure he poked me a good 8 times and bent the tube in my hand before he decided to go to my arm to insert the IV. That was one of the most horrific pains. I hate that dude! I didn't even need the IV. The docs at the hospital were all pretty 'pro ectopic pregnancy' for my results, but the OB's doc doesn't see any signs leading him to start operating on me.

If my symptoms stay the same for the next few days, I go back in to the OB on Mon/Tues, else, i might get my period, else, I might get severe heavy bleeding, else -- whatever... Who knows.

We will see. 

screw it...

I'm not charting my CM anymore except on days that I know it's Peak -- ugh. I can't tell what is going on down there, and I think I need more options to select from on the software I am using to chart. So for now assuming I O'd on 11/27 I am 5dpo -- I still have cramping - d'oh -- and my temp shot up -- Hmmmfffff -- I have no idea what my chart is telling me and if it's even accurate . I am getting frustrated --

My Chart:

tired as hell

is it  just me? 

I think i'm thinking way toooo into this whole getting pregnant thing. I don't want to get my hopes up this month...

Anyway -- went to dentist today. Got a filling (argh) -- lots of pain. Took 2000mg Tylenol extra Strength Rapid Release, all the pain went away but it didn't take away any of my cramping pain. Weird. But it's bearable anyway.

Was very tired at work, went to the ladies room just to get some time to sit and try and doze off for a few minutes. I know it sounds weird, but it's better than someone walking by and seeing you sleeping on your desk. LOL.

Mr.Moo picked me up from work today b/c I was too tired to drive. 

Came home and napped. 

I have heart burn and my boobs itch -- what's up with that - I really think it's too early for me to have any PG signs since I don't really know when I O'd anyway. And if it was on the 14th, I don't think we BD'd enough to be successful on conceiving. I think I'm just really in tune with everything my body is feeling... Yeah, that's it.

Well, I am going to bed now, super tired. Peace out.

Cramps

They aren't going away. I really feel as if I have or will be getting my 'riod any minute. I run to the bathroom tampon in hand. But there's nothing.

The cramps have been getting stronger but not unbearable. Its exactly like 'riod cramps so I don't get it.

Waaaaaah.

TCOYF

I read the entire book in 3 days. It was so interesting!!
I recommend that book for EVERY woman, whether or not they are planning on getting pregnant. It's a great way to learn about natural birth control. You just learn to read your body, you know when you are fertile and when you are not. Abstain or take extra precautions during your fertile time, and your non-fertile time, well, no worries!

my 'O' symptoms?

I don't know the exact date that I ovulated according to my chart below. It looks like anywhere between the 14th and 16th day of my cycle.

From what I've read, the rhythm method suggest that most ppl ovulate on day 14 of their cycle. Per the TCOYF book, it's not true. Everyone's body is different, and so you have to read the signs to see when you are most fertile.

Ironically for me, it seems the 14th day of my cycle (or maybe the 15th even) was the day I ovulated...

So with that in mind, here are my symptoms (dpo = days post ovulation)

1 dpo - I had some slight pinching in my left ovary.

2 dpo - cramping on left side at night. Had a metallic taste in my mouth (maybe it was my filling?)

3 dpo - medium intensity period like pains, a little bit of a head cold and runny nose, headaches, a little dizzy, and I gained 3 lbs :-( waaaaaah!

(I think maybe it's even a little too early to tell if I really Ovulated b/c this is my first chart, and there aren't many temps recorded yet... We shall see)

It kinda feels like the type of cramps I get the day before or of my period. Is it PMS? Being that I gained 3 lbs and all (I usually gain about 2lbs a few days before my 'riod). Or maybe it was Thanksgiving dinner LOL

I have only been charting this month. I know that my last cycle was 26 days, so if we are staying with that length right now, it would mean my period isn't due for another 9 days. I don't usually get cramping this early.

Maybe it's ovulation pain? I read that when you ovulate you can have cramps/pain in your ovaries. I mainly feel it on the left side. Even when I get my 'riod, I always feel pain on the left, nothing really on the right.

Most likely, it's just that I'm paying closer attention to my body that I noticing every little thing that's happening to it now...

Keeping with my over-analytical personality -- i just hope there's nothing wrong with my equipment. LOL

This is my chart...

To those of you who don't know what this is all about - I can explain what I know so far. It's taken me awhile to figure it out.
This chart starts on the first day of my period.
The dotted line shows my basal body temp (BBT).
On the left in the CM row -- the first 5 boxes are RED, indicating I have my 'riod. The other things in that column (-, S,C,E,W,-) indicate my CM. (cervical mucus, YUM!).
The HEARTS in the DAY row indicate the days of my cycle that we BD'd.
BD row shows what time of day we 'did it'
Meds - the X shows when I took my prenatal vitamins.
The 01/02 show my symptoms.

According to what I've read. When your BBT goes up significantly during your cycle, you either Are, Have, or will be ovulating, so it's a fertile time. Your fertile time also is noted by how your CM is. When it's like eggwhites, stretchy, wet...etc... you are fertile. These are the 2 methods I use to determine the most likely times to get pregnant. The other is your cervic positioning, and even though I read about figuring it out, I don't think I am ready to get all up in there just yet. LOL

So that's it... I will probably post my chart every week or so. But in the meantime, here is a linky to my fertility chart .

too clueless to think of a title.

After looking online about determining when we would be due should we happen to conceive during this cycle, I told Mr.Moo. He was a little disappointed b/c he thought it would happen later (labor that is).

So to him it seemed it would interfere too much with my family reunion in Hawaii. So, he decided (not to tell me that night after we were in bed and I was ready to go at it) that he didn't want to get pregnant this month.

Perfect timing -- *sigh* -- I have been getting my hopes up just to start trying and they were shot down. I felt rejected. I do want to go to Hawaii, but it's not like we'll never be able to go if for some reason we couldn't fly while we were pregnant. The majority of my family is out there, so we would be having so many more opportunities to go during our lifetime. Alas, there was no winning to be had on either side of the conversation.

I went to bed disappointed, and so did he. But we seemed to agree that we would start trying again sometime in December. That's okay with me, we had originally planned to start TTC in Jan/Feb 2009 anyway.

This morning I woke up and apologized to Mr.Moo in case I had made him feel guilty or bad for changing his mind about TTCing this month. Then he started getting frisky. I went with it, just knowing that he would probably pull out or whatever so we didn't risk getting preg. Alas, -- he didn't. I was a little confused. I asked him why he did that and he said... "because we're trying."

He's messing with my head! AHHHH

I took my Basal Temp (96.66) - WOOO 1 whole hundreth of a degree higher than the last few days. Does this mean it's going up? I didn't ovulate today. I can tell. My CM (cervical mucus - friends of mine, sorry if TMI again) is not to the prime stage yet, but it's getting there. I also took an OPT (Ovulation Predictor Test) and it was neg. (4 for 4).

I have been reading TCOYF (Taking Charge of your Fertility) and I am most definately going to follow the FAM (Fertility Awareness Method) to get pregnant and to not get pregnant in the future.

It's amazing to read. Things I didn't even consider!! For example. Men are fertile everyday from puberty to death, whilst women are only fertile for a short few days. So why is it that Women have a long ass list of birth controls and men only have 3??

For Women: Tubal Ligation, Implanon, Depo-Provera, The Pill, The Patch, IUD (intrauterine device), Nuvaring, Diaphragm, Cervical Cap, Sponge, Female Condom, Suppositories, Spermicides, Natural Methods

For Men: Vasectomy, Condom, Withdrawal

If you think about it, there are so many side effects to the Pill alone that women may experience, and I really don't see the need if you can really break down your fertile phase to a few days -- just abstain! Or have the 'man' use a condom or something. I don't think I will ever go back to using any of the chemical birthcontrol methods ever again.

I honestly thought that women could get pregnant at any time, I never thought it was only a few days. Really. No egg, no possibility of getting pregnant. DUH!

This book is truly eye-opening and easy to read as the writer has an awesome sense of humor. :-)


P.S.: I think Mr.Moo messing with my head has really had an effect on me today because:
- I spilled a Full glass of orange juice on the carpet today - it was pretty horrific.
- I spilled a Full glass of water on the carpet today while trying to clean up the orange juice mess
- I spilled a bottle of Coke while trying to pour myself a glass
- I spilled an entire box of Wheat Thins on the floor

I don't know what's happening, but I don't like it. I've already been told I'm not allowed to eat or drink in any carpeted areas... waaaaaahhhh.

I bought it!

Due to some recommendations from friends and a fellow blogger - I went to heaven (AKA, Barnes & Noble) and bought 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility'.

I honestly did not expect it to be as big of a book as it is. It also came with some software to help charting. I put all my info in, and FINALLY I got some info that matched some other stuff I got, So I am going by this book!

Tomorrow I am 'supposed' to ovulate. I can definitely see feel signs. I never realized that all the changes happening to me were natural and supposed to happen. I thought, maybe it was my diet? I used to make excuses for everything. D'oh.

BDing has not been easy. You see... we have the habit of coming home from work late. I get home around 7 and he is usually in before 7:30. Then we eat, separately from each other. I am picky. We don't cook b/c we are too tired an lazy to. So usually we eat leftovers from dining out, or our lunches, or cereal etc... During our random meal time we chat, sort through mail and talk about our plans for the house, getting pregnant, and the upcoming holidays. About an hour later, we move on to reading books, or browsing the web (and for me -- blogging and stalking other blogs). I am usually attached to my computer on the couch with the TV on in the background until about 11:30pm. At which time I am dead tired.

We talk about how we will BD - it's not a CHORE. We like doing it. It's actually a friggen awesome experience every time (TMI?). But by the time I get to bed he is either asleep or too tired. And the convo goes something like this (beware, maybe a little too much for some)

Me: "Let's have sex"

Him: "Okay."

Me: "Okay, but, I don't feel like moving." (hint hint)

Him: "Neither do I" (hint hint)

Me: "Can't you just JO and then finish inside me?"

Him: "Why don't you do it for me?"

Me: "If I could snap your penis off afterwards I would, because I don't really feel like moving my body."

Him: "heh" *cringe*

Me: "We're lazy."

Him: "Yeah we are."

Me: *snore*

Him: *SNORE*

Last night, since we just fell asleep, we agreed to try and go to bed early tonight so we wouldn't be so tired. It's already a quarter to 10 and he's asleep on the couch. Me, -- well I don't feel like moving once again. But now is my fertile time so I will get to it. He will be happy b/c he likes it when he can just sit back, relax, and enjoy it. Fine, he deserves it. He did all the dishes tonight. (Lucky Me!)

I checked the TCOYF (taking care of your fertility) planner and it says that if we conceive this week, our due date would be around August 19th, 2009. Aye! A summer baby?! I hear that's rough. LOL. Whatev -- I will just be happy to get pregnant at any point.

Wait, I think I just inspired myself to BD tonight by writing this entry -- even if I am the only one getting a workout.

So, off I go. WOO HOO!!!

So what's new...

Not much really.

Friends of ours became pregnant about 11 weeks ago, just found out some bad news about the baby, but are seeking a 2nd opinion. The baby might have downs. I can't imagine what they are going through right now. I don't know what they believe or what options they have... I am keeping my fingers crossed for them that no matter what happens, they will get through it.

Mr. Moo and I have started trying this month. Who knows when is the right time...b/c every site and every book I read tells me a different time of the cycle is the fertile time, so we are just going to go at it every other day until December. How weird it is to have that little tidbit of our lives out on the net... but it is what it is.

We don't know what we are really doing, so the more days, the more chances, eh?

I have been telling ppl that we may try sometime next year, (end of Jan, or sometime in Feb or maybe even in August after our reunion in HI).

So, my sister-in-law mentioned that if we get preg in Jan/Feb, they will start trying for #2 in September, so we can have kids close in age - I thought that was funny. I think b/c having children puts you into a kind of clique. It's just weird.

Anyway, I've been trying the basal temp monitoring, and my temp is down around 97 degrees everyday. With a regular thermometer, my temp is usually around 99-101 -- so it's strange seeing such low numbers. I'm not sure what the basal temp signifies, but i'm keeping track until I finally decide to be interested enough to look it up.

Mr.Moo also picked up an ovulation testing kit. They look like pregnancy tests that you P on. You're supposed to do one a day for 7 days, and when it comes out positive, you are fertile. Gotta get to it, b/c you only have 24-36 hours to get PG.

LOL --

I will start them today.

I think this whole getting preg thing is just something to keep me from being bored at the moment, b/c I still don't feel I will get pg right away -- so for now, i go through the motions.

Fun times!!

Oh ... a little caught off guard...

I've decided to start charting.

I am learning how to do it by reading online...

So my 'riod came last night around 4pm. Perfect timing, I had just bought a calendar to start logging everything in. My first cycle. Now I guess 14 days from Yesterday is my most fertile day (O for Ovulating) -- That would be 11/27.

They say to BD (baby dance, have sex, whateva) 5 days before, the day of and the day after. I guess it's a 6 day fertile window.

You only ovulate for 24 hours but spermies can live for up to 5 days, that's why trying before gives you a higher chance of getting pregnant.

Mr.Moo and I had agreed to start TTC on Jan 1ish -- but turns out that's after my O date per our current cycle schedule. So technically, we'd have to do it either the end of Dec or the end of Jan...

Instead, he has said -- let's get started this month -- for his bday (since it's on the 30th -- 1 month ahead of schedule. I'm okay with that - If we wind up getting pregnant, then I will be in 8+ months pregnant flying and I don't think we'd be able to go to Hawaii. But for some reason, I'm not sure I got this cycle scheduling thing ddown yet -- so I don't 'expect' to get PG this month -- we'll try anyway . ;-)

I'm Psyched...

This seems a little weird ...

I just joined Just Mommies website. It's weird to think about this next stage in my life.

I've been thinking more cynically lately... I think I fear getting my hopes up only to have my expectations set too high to achieve. Realistically, anything can happen. I can't just start thinking the worst. I mean, we haven't even started trying yet.

Have you ever been at a point in your life when things were just going so well, almost too good? Then the next thing you know, a big upset occurs?

Well that's where I am now -- things are really good.

What goes up, must come down --

I need to start having more positive thoughts -- so send me yours via the airwaves!! lol

I am also going to make a commitment to not read the pregnancy 'loss' boards until there is a time I really need to be... I do not feel I could help those people by commenting on their posts, being someone who's never been PG, and someone who's never really lost anyone close. I can't even imagine what they are going through, so to console - just doesn't seem right.

Does that seem selfish?

Acronyms Everywhere...!!!

I don't get it!! I've been reading blogs of ppl from theknot.com that moved to thenest.com that moved to thebump.com and all i see are acronyms everywhere.

What the hell is CBEFM?!



*update* - just discovered it means "Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor" -- geez

TTC

TTC -- I just learned this means Trying To Conceive...

I would definitely prefer, "We are TTC-ing" -- rather than -- "We are having lots of sex".
Sounds a little bit classier.

So -- Mr MooMoo and ideally would like to have a baby next year (2009 d'oh).
The ideal situation would involve us getting pregnant between Jan 1 - May 1.
If we didn't get pregnant by May 1, then we would stop for a short time.

We are planning on going on vacation to Hawaii which would include a 11+ hour plane flight (if direct). Since I have Fibromyalgia, I have been warned that 1st Trimester symptoms are a lot worse than those without. So, IF I happened to have all that morning-sickness stuff, flying 11 hours isn't going to be fun. Nor is being in Hawaii puking everyday. We'd like to be in the 2nd-very early 3rd, trimester when flying. I'm too worried to fly late in 3rd trimester, b/c what if I can't fit in a seatbelt LOL!!!

We would start TTC-ing late July (during vacation) again.

It's strange to plan around a vacation -- but it's a family reunion that can't be missed!

My fear is not being able to get pregnant. I don't know if I can or can't, and we won't know until we try. I have a horrible diet since I have become a vegetarian -- and I crave chicken like you wouldn't believe. I want it. Gotta have it -- and I am going to try and reintroduce free-range chicken into my life before Thanksgiving... We'll see how it goes.

I meet with my Gyno on 11/11 -- (such an unlucky number combo for me) -- to discuss everything.

In a way -- I would love to just get pregnant now even though we are not trying -- just to KNOW that I CAN get pregnant... eck.

But, since the honeymoon -- we've had sex 0 times. GO US!!!

See what happens when you aren't bored!!!